Cost: £18,000,000

Goals: 0

Wow! I'm one fly brutha. Finally touched down in Manchester.

Now to get a cab to the nearest brothel.

Nani: Wow! This is great! No wonder the EPL is considered the best league in the world. The players, the pace, the tackles. I can't wait to get out there.

Anderson: Oh Oh!

Anderson: AHA!!! I have your shirt! You're in my pocket now. Even though you scored in this game and ran the show for 90+ minutes Fergie will still tell the media that I kept you in my pocket.

Cesc: Seriously dude chill, since you want it so badly you can have my shirt at the end of the game. I promise, my treat. I'll even sign it so you can put it on eBay and fund your next sleep-over with Nani, Ronaldive and your favourite call girls.

Anderson: : D !!!

Cesc: 'Look at me, I'm Anderson, I fall over and cry and role over 5 times to get my talented opponents booked.'

Anderson: What? Fergie said thats my role in the team. Rooney, Evra, Ronaldive, Saha, Carrick, Nani, Park etc do it all the time. Joga Bonito and all that.

Anderson: Grrrrrrrrrr!!! I'm keeping Gerrard in my pocket Grrrrrrrr!!!. Who cares if his team is reduced to 10 men at OT and the game over before half time. The fact that he hasn't scored means I kept him in my pocket regardlass of the fact that I never tackled him, picked the ball off him or did anything remotely effective to stop him playing.

Gerrard: Security! You really should be doing a better job at preventing fans from invading the pitch.

Anderson: AHA!! Take that Terry. Your experience and positioning is no match for the raw power of my ass.

Terry: Say what number are you wearing? Thought so. Take a look at the substitutes board boy, its time for your early shower again.

Ronaldive: I'm the greatest footballer in the world!!! I love playing in Newcastle. My my Wayne, you inner thigh is just so powerful. Its just bulging, practically commanding me to touch it.

Rooney: I love you man. *smooch. Say . . . what are you doing after?

Anderson: Weeeeee! We're awesome. We're totally awesome. I'm on the team! Yeah! Someone hug me. C'mon. C'mooooooooon. Please?

Ronaldive: Who is that guy?

Anderson: GIVE ME YOUR UNDERPANTS!

Player: WHAT THE Heck Buzz OFF!!!!!!

Anderson: GIVE THEM TO ME!!!

Photo courtesy of manutd.com

Titled: 'Anderson completes a pass'

Photo courtesy of manutd.com

Titled: 'Sir Alex reads out the team sheet for the upcoming fixture'

*at present the above image has been used 47 times by manutd.com since 2007.